


I Have So Little but You Need So Much

by orphan_account



Series: Inclinations [6]
Category: due South
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-31
Updated: 2012-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-30 09:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser may be asexual, but he still has needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Have So Little but You Need So Much

It was an atypical morning for Fraser.  He woke up with a hard-on, which happened every once in awhile, a very inconvenient once in awhile.  This was a bit of a problem, because he and Ray shared a bathroom, which normally didn’t bother Fraser in the least, but his body apparently needed the dubious relief of orgasm from time to time.  As far as Fraser was concerned, this was no more significant than the occasional sneeze which attempted to manifest without actually happening.

And…well, Fraser thought of his infrequent erections as a basic physiological need that required perfunctory attendance.  But then there was Ray.  Ray who lived with him, worked with him as his partner in all things, and who clearly would gladly embrace a sexual dimension to their relationship.  Fraser had, once, clumsily attempted to offer Ray that kind of relief, but Ray had rejected him harshly, retreating to his bedroom where he, if the sounds Fraser could detect, the sounds Ray _knew_ he could detect, were anything to go by, angrily masturbated as if to rub Fraser’s nose in his own failure.  _I’d rather do it myself_ was Ray’s message to Fraser.  Fraser imagined a bit of _don’t do me any fucking favors_ tossed in on top of it, but how much of that was the intended message was a bit of a mystery.

So Fraser, who has always treated Ray like the friend and roommate he seems to want to be (no special consideration needed), hates waking up with an erection.  Because it happens so rarely, and is, as far as Fraser is concerned, about as significant as a runny nose, but he usually isn’t shy around Ray ( _don’t do me any fucking favors_ ).  So Fraser’s rare morning erections are something he has to handle delicately.

Fraser quickly moves into their joint bathroom, starting up the shower.  The noise should be enough to keep Ray at his distance, and Fraser indulgently allows the water to get to body temperature before plunging in.

He soaps himself all over, thinking briefly, and not without vanity, that he really is quite good looking, and it’s kind of a waste that he doesn’t want to share himself with anybody.  It’s horrifyingly vain of him, but he knows how people react to him.  If he were inclined that way, he could be satisfying so many people.  But, really, if he were inclined that way, he’d only want to be satisfying Ray.

His hard-on is an inconvenient thickness against his stomach, something that needs to be taken care of.  He reaches down with soap-slicked hands, briskly attending to it.  Beyond that, he’s mostly thinking about their latest case, marijuana from British Columbia being brought down across the Great Lakes to the US Midwestern market.  Neither he nor Ray can understand why the smugglers would go to such extraordinary lengths overland in order to cross a water boundary when…

…And there it is.  His cock is jerking in his hands, spending itself uselessly against the tiles, and it’s a relief, a pleasant full-body shudder that’s nearly as good as a cup of tea after a long day of dealing with consulate business.  In the old days, he would’ve thought Turnbull would be his greatest trial on that front.  Now he knows better.  New recruits, honestly, he wants to like them, but he just…can’t.

And then Fraser realizes he needs to ask Ray about the US Midwestern distribution of marijuana, because what if it’s not just smuggling, what if it’s about setting up a long-term cultivation and distribution market?

Fraser thinks about that as he cleans up the shower.  As far as he knows, Ray doesn’t know that Fraser jerks off in the shower.  Fraser’s very careful not to reveal any of his needs to Ray.  It would be cruel, because Ray attaches so much importance to these acts, Fraser hears him some nights and apparently to Ray it’s like dying and being reborn, and really Fraser just sees it as plumbing.  Fraser could never exploit Ray’s deeply felt desires like that; it would be like going to the Institute of Art to use their Seurat to blow his nose.

Sometimes, when he’s feeling maudlin, Fraser imagines that Ray could give him what he wants.  Because he really wants to hold Ray through the night, kiss him, but no more than that, never anything more than that, and if he tried even that much with Ray, there would be additional…expectations. 

And Fraser simply cannot handle Ray’s expectations.  They are too vast, and Fraser is too small.


End file.
